Added: Amie Oviedo - Date: 02.03.2022 09:53 - Views: 29013 - Clicks: 4248
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Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia. Hi everyone. Looking for help to get through constant feelings of loneliness, low self esteem and worthlessness. To keep things short, I am unhappily married - my husband is a good man but we are more room mates than anything else. This is my second marriage and we are married 10 years. I recently reconnected with my high school boyfriend and have had a whirlwind affair.
He is also married and has children. I have no children. Yes, I know this is wrong and am working my way out of the situation and feel I should also leave my marriage. I wish it could be different though with my high school boyfriend. I look at his life and realize how little I have in my own life except for work. I feel very lonely, without purpose and just want to isolate from everyone because I feel uninteresting to others, a bad person, and too emotional and messed up for anyone to be around me. I guess the first thing to say is to try to view yourself with more compassion. You have a deep seated need, and your marriage did not seem to be supplying it.
You renewed an old relationship. OK, perhaps not the wisest thing, but not the end of the world either. The world is Lonely married seeks lonely married of false starts. Your high school boyfriend has done you no favors, allowing the two of you to get so close and then cutting you off suggesting you become something on the side with no serious commitment from him. I suspect it is called taking advantage of someone.
I'm glad for you that you are working your way out of that Lonely married seeks lonely married, he does not sound like a person that values others. I suspect one of the reasons you are talking about leaving home is because you don't like yourself at the moment and feel you have nothing to give and as a result want to put ourself away from everyone - am I on the right track do you think?
Often it takes something we do to to see things in more perspective. Can I ask what was going wrong in your marriage? You say yourself he is a good man, that is a pretty good start if you wanted to remain with him. There are an awful lot of people that have had an affair and made a partnership stronger afterwards. I'll admit I'm coloring my reply to you with my own inclinations, I've had two happy marriages and would wish the same for others.
I can't pretend there have never been problems, but it has worked out. So may I ask what you would want for yourself if you had a free choice and no burden from your recent actions, try to rebuild the marriage, or go your own way? My ten year marriage has lost all intimacy and I feel unwanted, old and ugly. My high school boyfriend has made me feel wanted again, and we have a strong draw to each other, with similar background and interests and humour.
Unencumbered I would leave.
Otherwise I think it would become a recurring theme to be unhappy and unfulfilled. I do wish for more with my high school boyfriend. We are a good match. I'd imagine deciding what to do now is immensely difficult, and trying to do so on the rebound from that affair might not be the best time - what do you think? Leaving and living on your own is a pretty big venture whatever the background. Doing so all by yourself more so. You did say that you had family but in a different place plus some Lonely married seeks lonely married in different countries. Would it be possible for you to them at least for a while?
Now you are going to think me silly for asking this but do you think it is worth discussing the matter with your husband? Perhaps I'm showing a lack of understanding by asking this, my apologies if so. If you are going to leave he will find out sometime. Maybe with explanations any parting, if it can't be avoided, might stand a chance of being amicable.
I did this, I was not married at the time, but he was. It caused so much pain to so many people and in the end to me when after 5 years he left me and went back to his family. It is one of the biggest regrets I have and I cannot forgive myself for my part in the harm to his wife and family. I am not saying the situation was like yours, there was 30 years between our first relationship and the second.
I had been through a lot and felt I deserved some happiness, but it should not come at the expense of others. Feelings of passion and intimacy are powerful. I completely understand. Marriage is no easy task, let alone having somebody on the side just creates more stress although it may seem fascinating and living on the edge, but the reality of affairs causes so much stress that it leaves you bewildered about where you are standing in life.
Marriage takes a lot of effort, its like a car that you need to constantly maintain due to daily wear and tear. It takes a lot to have an affair and you must ask yourself if this is something you wanted. Most marriages breakdown due to communication breakdown. You have to develop a good communication with eachother before other things can prosper in a relationship.
It takes two to tango so if you have tried to save your marriage by talking or seeking outside assistance and to no avail, then it may be time to move on. This can only happen of both agree that the relationship has soured and that all attempts were taken to save it but it has to be from both partners.
Its a terrible situation to be in, but having that second person does not help the situation, but rather causes a distortion in your current relationship. I don't know what steps you have taken to rectify the relationship but as I stated, if all measures were taken Lonely married seeks lonely married no avail, then it may be time to move on in life. Secondly, don't assume your school mate will rescue you as he has his own life and family so if you decide to leave, then you may need your own space to reflect and move on.
Don't worry about what others have achieved as well in life, as your life is not measured by what you own, what profession you have, or what car you drive. You are still precious as everyone in this world and you have the right to be happy in life, and its often the simple things in life that we all crave for. Somebody making you a hot drink when you get home from work or taking your plate after dinner and washing the dishes to give you a break.
Your happiness is paramount to your health and well being and I am sure the same goes for him as well. Its not health to live in such relationship day in day out. You have a lot to be thankful for, your current health, you are still young and able and you have a job as well. Life is a gift and everyday is a blessing so make the most out of your life.
Hi Jilted, Tess has been through a similar situation and Only the lonely has some excellent points, just as Croix, but I think you have answered your question in the last line of your post ' to strike out on my own'. Your high school boyfriend doesn't want to break up his marriage and there is no interest in reconnecting with your husband, so settle up with your husband, ready to move on, this will relieve you of one concern. Write down what your skills are, big and small, whatever you can do, this will help you to move to somewhere else, away from what's been happening, a completely new start with different surroundings, new people and a place to call home.
Remember to give yourself time and patience, maybe move to where your family is, you need to regain your strength, that's so important for everyone, yes there are times when we don't feel the strength we need, it happens with all of us, we are only human beings. Thank you to everyone for your insight and guidance.
I think the people above have given some excellent advice and you seem like you are making some very tough decisions. My only concern here, is your feelings of having to give up on your old boyfriend and affair partner. This man, has taken advantage of you. I am sorry. The feelings you have for him, he may also have for you, because of the excitement of having an affair. But if he were to leave his wife for you, would you ever be comfortable being with someone so willing to cheat? It seems to me that you need some time to reflect on what you want for you, moving forward. Be that rekindling with your husband or moving on.
You deserve someone who loves and cares about you. Being someones bit on the side is only lowering your own standards. Sorry I have no advice, but I'm in a similar situation so I thought it might help to know there are others out there that feel your pain. Apart from living with a husband I haven't had intimacy with for 20 years, I too feel that I'm the worst human being to ever have lived on the planet and am isolating myself from everyone as I don't want people to judge me any longer.
My own feelings of worthlessness are bad enough - I don't need friends and family adding to them. Loneliness is a horrible way to live. I've stayed because I am weak but also I don't want to cause pain to others that don't deserve it. I am not going to advise on weather to leave or stay with your husband or such, that is purely up to you to decide, and I wont Lonely married seeks lonely married you in either direction, I am merely here to help you come up with a solution yourself.
Dont list things like what limits you have yourself and such as these will only give you a chance to make excuses on why you cant do things. By listing these things physically and be truthful, if not, you are only deceiving to yourselfYou will be able to see what you need to do, personally I would start doing things that Lonely married seeks lonely married to the dreams you have had before ending something like a marriage not saying not to, as you can still take that path later, just I feel that if you can get yourself back on track to getting your goal, you may find that actually marrying your husband was a means to this anyway, and by leaving him early, you may end up with regret.
See if you can get your husband involved in your dreams, it might be the marriage pick-me-up you need. If that all fails then maybe it is time to get out on your own and start discovering what you really want again, that option is still there should you need it, but at least let it be a last resort type of option.
That is my advice, I am no expert on things, just been hurt myself and worked out that this is what I needed to do to get me back into life, what I did was I started following some even minor dreams, then followed up by bigger ones, like buying a car I had always wanted when I was a teenager I am now 44traveling overseas been overseas twice now and looking forward to more. Those are things I have had dreams for in my past, and they help me look to a brighter future. Some dreams you may not achieve, but give it one hell of a go in getting them is always worth a shot, it gives you purpose and motivation about life.
One last thing, dont let anyoneeven yourselftell you that it cant be done, rather say "I'll give it a shot and take the chance". It all starts from making that list, something you can see and remember, something to look back on when you feel doubtful and "lost". Just before you make a decision, I want to advise you to consider this approach, it is purely your choice of course, but maybe it can be an option for you regardless, and should it fail, you can still continue to make your choice as before.
I just suggest you discover what makes you feel happy and successful, list them down if you have to, include dreams you might want, and then start going after these dreams, this can only make you feel better about yourself and the future. While you chasing these dreams, see if your husband wants to help you get them, it may be that spark you need to get even your current marriage back on track, for both of you.
Regardless if he wants to help you or not, still chase after those dreams and goals, and make decisions on what improves your life the most, be bold and take a chances that help get you to a better place to be, it can only be better for you than how you are feeling now anyway.
It may very well be that your husband might not help you, but he wont stand in your way either, which is also a good thing, because it will make you happier in general, and when he sees you smile, it may help him remember what got you guys together in the first place, spark that romance back up.
And dont let anyone tell you that you cant chase your dreams, not even yourself. Sorry to hear of your situation.
It is some comfort to know we are not alone in our loneliness. We all deserve love and intimacy. Maybe this is the year to be brave and look after you for a change. Today I ended my affair with my high school boyfriend. I know it was the right thing to do because we are both married but I am so miserable.
I wanted him so much.Lonely married seeks lonely married
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